lar_laughs (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lar_laughs) wrote2004-11-21 01:19 pm
lar_laughs) wrote2004-11-21 01:19 pm
Chapter Seventeen - Part One
Chapter seventeen: They play such sad songs on the radio these days
We are not powerless specks of dust drifting around in the wind, blown by random destiny. We are, each of us, like beautiful snowflakes – unique, and born for a specific reason and purpose. –Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Now that they were at the front door of Fran’s house, there was no other option but to move forward. The ride from the hospital had been silent until Chailyn finally reached forward and found the local radio station. There were two, both as different and varied from each other as the two sections of the town. One played their music loud, full of grinding bass and pounding drums. Some of the older folks in town found it offensive. The other station had more twang and less bite. It spoke of a slower way of life that many of the station’s listeners found mirrored their own. It was no surprise that Chailyn picked the louder of the two stations.
Now, there was only silence as Cora concentrated on unlocking the door. She seemed to be all thumbs, nearly dropping the key ring twice before finally fitting the key into the lock.
The house was silent but she had figured that no one was home. It was an odd occurrence that the door was locked so it had been a good indication of what she’d find inside.
“There’s a bathroom downstairs that you can use but let me go get you a change of clothes. Before we leave, I’ll throw our clothes in the washing machine and see if some of that soot and blood will come out.” The thought of what had happened to make the clothes almost unwearable made her shiver. She had seen a lot in the last day but it was nothing compared to what her sister had lived through, not only today but in the last couple of years. Now was not the time to bring it up. Both of them were tired and dirty and in need of some down time.
Quickly riffling through the contents of the two drawers she had filled with her clothes, she found a pair of warm up pants and a dark long-sleeved Henley that looked like they might fit her smaller sister. “It’s not something you’d want to wear on a night on the town, but it’ll keep you clothed enough to be seen in public,” she said as she turned around. She hadn’t expected to be followed but she didn’t mind that her sister was looking around, interested in what she saw. For the first time, she wondered if there was hope in reconciliation.
“This is where you’ve been living?” Chailyn asked as she took the pile.
“For a couple of days. I haven’t been around for very long. The rest of my stuff is in a storage unit since I wasn’t sure what was going to happen when I got here.”
“So you’re planning on staying around?”
The question was asked without malice, but there was still bitterness laced in the words. Cora was thankful for the chance to answer the one question she had been debating herself. “I don’t know for sure. Fran asked me to come see her, telling me that she needed me but I don’t know. I suppose they would give me my job back if this didn’t work out.”
“Why wouldn’t it work out?”
Before she answered, she noticed the note on her mirror with her name in Fran’s handwriting. It was a distraction and she wanted to walk over and read it right away, but her sister was waiting for an answer.
“I’m no saint, Chailyn. We both know this. And I’m not the easiest person to live with. Fran hasn’t really talked about why she invited me here but I don’t think the whole reason was to get me home again. If you ask me, I think she’s sicker than she’ll tell anyone. Does anyone here know that she’s been seeing a specialist in Datten? Or that she’s been on sixteen different kinds of medications, none of which seem to be helping? After Derek left and her parents moved to the coast, she felt all alone here. If I’m here, she’ll be less alone. It has to work out.”
“Are you convincing me or yourself? No, don’t answer that. We’ll call it a rhetorical question and I’ll go take a shower in the downstairs bathroom. Thank you for the outfit. It’ll work out okay.”
As she left, Cora wondered if she was talking about the clothes or the situation in general. Nothing felt normal. She was so far out of her comfort zone that she wasn’t sure what normal really was right now. So far this week, she had come back to her home town to be with her friend – who had succeeded in not actually being around her since she had been here. And she hadn’t talked to her family in over ten years and had spent most of the last twenty-four hours with them without once mentioning anything about why she had left.
And Griffin was here. Since she had known him, he had always been quietly in the background. Now that he’d gone out on a limb to be that quiet presence in the background once again, she knew that she’d have to deal with the zing in her stomach. It was like she’d eaten one of her favorite spicy burritos – without the heartburn. Her heart definitely didn’t hurt. In fact, her heart had never felt so full.
The paper crinkled in her hand as she grabbed the note off the mirror. She knew she couldn’t read it yet but it helped to have taken the step to free it from the frame. It was an effort, even if it was a small one. After she took the shower…after she put the clothes in the washer and made more small talk with her sister…after she walked into Griffin’s hospital room and stayed there this time without walking back out as fast as she could…after she dealt with the present, she’d deal with the note.
Something told her that Fran wouldn’t mind being left until she could better handle whatever was written here. It was the same part of her that told her that Fran had left but was okay. She knew she could point her heart in another direction for the time being.
Chailyn was struggling with a direction for her heart to go in. As the hot water pounded on her weary body, she listed the reasons once again for not letting her sister back into her life. She was having trouble figuring out if she had already decided that Cora giving up her job to come be with her best friend was a good thing or just plain stupid. Really, it fit in both categories.
She was having trouble building a list. The only thing that really made her angry was her older sister’s apparent lack of desire to let her family know she was in town. Watching her hug their mother last night had done strange things to her heart. She had spent years thinking that Cora was unfeeling and cruel. Without so much as a by your leave, she had walked out and left their mother and father to grief as if she had died. In a way, that’s what happened. Everyone treated her as a dead relative, except that her memory wasn’t brought out at holidays. No one talked about Cora. The only evidence of her was on the wall of pictures that was updated every six months. There was no college graduation picture, no candid of her on the latest family vacations. She hadn’t been wiped from existence so much as set on the back of a shelf to gather dust.
After getting as clean as possible, she wrapped a fluffy green towel around her damp hair and pulled on the loose clothing. The shirt smelled of cinnamon and something with more kick. Cloves, maybe. She didn’t remember her sister ever cooking but these smells didn’t normally come out of a bottle. These were the smells of holidays and family.
Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. All these years, she had taken it for granted that she was able to spend so much time with her family. She had even complained a time or two. And she had assumed that Cora didn’t care about family. How did someone have clothes that smelled like this and not have part of their heart overflow with love that only a family could produce? Her old assumptions were crumbling but any new thoughts were still wispy and inconclusive. It made her pause at the bathroom doorway and try to rearrange her face. This was not a time for a retreat into smugness or even smothering hysteria.
If anything, this was a time of listening and keeping an open mind. Chailyn wasn’t known for either of those character traits but it was possible that she could find it in herself to be a better person and a better sister.
She could still hear the water running in the bathroom upstairs.
*More will be coming to this chapter but I don’t feel like writing it right now. Sorry. It won’t make or break the next couple of chapters to have this part left out. It’s mostly small talk, anyway. Nothing earth shattering. Oh, and Cora remembers the paper.*
We are not powerless specks of dust drifting around in the wind, blown by random destiny. We are, each of us, like beautiful snowflakes – unique, and born for a specific reason and purpose. –Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Now that they were at the front door of Fran’s house, there was no other option but to move forward. The ride from the hospital had been silent until Chailyn finally reached forward and found the local radio station. There were two, both as different and varied from each other as the two sections of the town. One played their music loud, full of grinding bass and pounding drums. Some of the older folks in town found it offensive. The other station had more twang and less bite. It spoke of a slower way of life that many of the station’s listeners found mirrored their own. It was no surprise that Chailyn picked the louder of the two stations.
Now, there was only silence as Cora concentrated on unlocking the door. She seemed to be all thumbs, nearly dropping the key ring twice before finally fitting the key into the lock.
The house was silent but she had figured that no one was home. It was an odd occurrence that the door was locked so it had been a good indication of what she’d find inside.
“There’s a bathroom downstairs that you can use but let me go get you a change of clothes. Before we leave, I’ll throw our clothes in the washing machine and see if some of that soot and blood will come out.” The thought of what had happened to make the clothes almost unwearable made her shiver. She had seen a lot in the last day but it was nothing compared to what her sister had lived through, not only today but in the last couple of years. Now was not the time to bring it up. Both of them were tired and dirty and in need of some down time.
Quickly riffling through the contents of the two drawers she had filled with her clothes, she found a pair of warm up pants and a dark long-sleeved Henley that looked like they might fit her smaller sister. “It’s not something you’d want to wear on a night on the town, but it’ll keep you clothed enough to be seen in public,” she said as she turned around. She hadn’t expected to be followed but she didn’t mind that her sister was looking around, interested in what she saw. For the first time, she wondered if there was hope in reconciliation.
“This is where you’ve been living?” Chailyn asked as she took the pile.
“For a couple of days. I haven’t been around for very long. The rest of my stuff is in a storage unit since I wasn’t sure what was going to happen when I got here.”
“So you’re planning on staying around?”
The question was asked without malice, but there was still bitterness laced in the words. Cora was thankful for the chance to answer the one question she had been debating herself. “I don’t know for sure. Fran asked me to come see her, telling me that she needed me but I don’t know. I suppose they would give me my job back if this didn’t work out.”
“Why wouldn’t it work out?”
Before she answered, she noticed the note on her mirror with her name in Fran’s handwriting. It was a distraction and she wanted to walk over and read it right away, but her sister was waiting for an answer.
“I’m no saint, Chailyn. We both know this. And I’m not the easiest person to live with. Fran hasn’t really talked about why she invited me here but I don’t think the whole reason was to get me home again. If you ask me, I think she’s sicker than she’ll tell anyone. Does anyone here know that she’s been seeing a specialist in Datten? Or that she’s been on sixteen different kinds of medications, none of which seem to be helping? After Derek left and her parents moved to the coast, she felt all alone here. If I’m here, she’ll be less alone. It has to work out.”
“Are you convincing me or yourself? No, don’t answer that. We’ll call it a rhetorical question and I’ll go take a shower in the downstairs bathroom. Thank you for the outfit. It’ll work out okay.”
As she left, Cora wondered if she was talking about the clothes or the situation in general. Nothing felt normal. She was so far out of her comfort zone that she wasn’t sure what normal really was right now. So far this week, she had come back to her home town to be with her friend – who had succeeded in not actually being around her since she had been here. And she hadn’t talked to her family in over ten years and had spent most of the last twenty-four hours with them without once mentioning anything about why she had left.
And Griffin was here. Since she had known him, he had always been quietly in the background. Now that he’d gone out on a limb to be that quiet presence in the background once again, she knew that she’d have to deal with the zing in her stomach. It was like she’d eaten one of her favorite spicy burritos – without the heartburn. Her heart definitely didn’t hurt. In fact, her heart had never felt so full.
The paper crinkled in her hand as she grabbed the note off the mirror. She knew she couldn’t read it yet but it helped to have taken the step to free it from the frame. It was an effort, even if it was a small one. After she took the shower…after she put the clothes in the washer and made more small talk with her sister…after she walked into Griffin’s hospital room and stayed there this time without walking back out as fast as she could…after she dealt with the present, she’d deal with the note.
Something told her that Fran wouldn’t mind being left until she could better handle whatever was written here. It was the same part of her that told her that Fran had left but was okay. She knew she could point her heart in another direction for the time being.
Chailyn was struggling with a direction for her heart to go in. As the hot water pounded on her weary body, she listed the reasons once again for not letting her sister back into her life. She was having trouble figuring out if she had already decided that Cora giving up her job to come be with her best friend was a good thing or just plain stupid. Really, it fit in both categories.
She was having trouble building a list. The only thing that really made her angry was her older sister’s apparent lack of desire to let her family know she was in town. Watching her hug their mother last night had done strange things to her heart. She had spent years thinking that Cora was unfeeling and cruel. Without so much as a by your leave, she had walked out and left their mother and father to grief as if she had died. In a way, that’s what happened. Everyone treated her as a dead relative, except that her memory wasn’t brought out at holidays. No one talked about Cora. The only evidence of her was on the wall of pictures that was updated every six months. There was no college graduation picture, no candid of her on the latest family vacations. She hadn’t been wiped from existence so much as set on the back of a shelf to gather dust.
After getting as clean as possible, she wrapped a fluffy green towel around her damp hair and pulled on the loose clothing. The shirt smelled of cinnamon and something with more kick. Cloves, maybe. She didn’t remember her sister ever cooking but these smells didn’t normally come out of a bottle. These were the smells of holidays and family.
Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. All these years, she had taken it for granted that she was able to spend so much time with her family. She had even complained a time or two. And she had assumed that Cora didn’t care about family. How did someone have clothes that smelled like this and not have part of their heart overflow with love that only a family could produce? Her old assumptions were crumbling but any new thoughts were still wispy and inconclusive. It made her pause at the bathroom doorway and try to rearrange her face. This was not a time for a retreat into smugness or even smothering hysteria.
If anything, this was a time of listening and keeping an open mind. Chailyn wasn’t known for either of those character traits but it was possible that she could find it in herself to be a better person and a better sister.
She could still hear the water running in the bathroom upstairs.
*More will be coming to this chapter but I don’t feel like writing it right now. Sorry. It won’t make or break the next couple of chapters to have this part left out. It’s mostly small talk, anyway. Nothing earth shattering. Oh, and Cora remembers the paper.*