now my stomach hurts again

I thought I could come back after my time away and pick things up and find a life here once again but now I'm thinking that maybe I can't. Maybe it was stupid of me to think that things would work out! It is my fault. I thought it would work. I thought I could just take out the dark bits of the fruit and still have a reasonably good apple. Maybe it's time to trash the apple and start over with an orange. A thick skin that you have to work on getting through. I'm so tired of being hurt... more so than I'm tired of being alone. I didn't ask for this but I created it. I came looking for community. It was supposed to work out better than this. Maybe the lesson I learned was that running away IS good. Better than staying and fighting and hurting more and more and more.