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I'm going to free write to see if I can't get my hands around this character. That is all.
I've been alone for a really long time. Considering I'm only twenty three, that probably doesn't seem like a long time to you, but you'd be wrong. I've been alone for a lifetime. Do you know what that means?
Don't get me wrong. I've had friends. No girl can get through school without at least one set of friends just for the sheer power of numbers that people need to get by on. We clung together because we knew we couldn't do it alone. None of them knew me, though. None of them knew my secrets. Not the way I want you to know my secrets.
It's hard to explain them to you, the larger than life hero that doesn't seem to have anything wrong with him. I have to explain my flaws, the very things I don't want you to see. Will your eyes slide away from me, looking for somewhere else you need to be? Or maybe you'll pat my shoulder and tell me everything will work out. Or will you promise to be my friend but never show up again?
You think that you can handle this but others have thought the same thing. Others have claimed to want to help me by simply being my friend. Funny how being my friend turns into telling others about me so they can have the last laugh, all at my expense.
I won't get better and I'm not going to change. Being around you makes me think that maybe I can be normal like all those other people I watch walk past, going about their life as if they don't have a care in the world. If they knew what was going to happen next... but that's the rub. They don't know. I do. Therefore I'm the freak.
When you say that you want to fix me, what does that mean? What do you think you can do? It's not the visions that are my problem. It's how people react to them. When they see my eyes unfocus, they don't know how to react. I've quite telling them what I've seen but it doesn't help. I'm the freak who sees more than she should.
I don't want to be afraid of the future anymore. It would be so lovely to embrace the next moment, never knowing if it's my last one on this earth. The problem is that I know more than I should but I never know for sure if I'm supposed to know or not. Maybe it's all some cosmic joke at my expense. Whatever it is, I've stopped caring. Or I want to stop caring. It would be nice to be numb for awhile.
The next move is yours. You can take me home and forget about me, like I've asked. Or you can admit that you feel something when you're around me and maybe I'll be able for admit that I actually feel something, too. Plan your move wisely. There will only be one chance at this because I don't think I have another one in me.
I've been alone for a really long time. Considering I'm only twenty three, that probably doesn't seem like a long time to you, but you'd be wrong. I've been alone for a lifetime. Do you know what that means?
Don't get me wrong. I've had friends. No girl can get through school without at least one set of friends just for the sheer power of numbers that people need to get by on. We clung together because we knew we couldn't do it alone. None of them knew me, though. None of them knew my secrets. Not the way I want you to know my secrets.
It's hard to explain them to you, the larger than life hero that doesn't seem to have anything wrong with him. I have to explain my flaws, the very things I don't want you to see. Will your eyes slide away from me, looking for somewhere else you need to be? Or maybe you'll pat my shoulder and tell me everything will work out. Or will you promise to be my friend but never show up again?
You think that you can handle this but others have thought the same thing. Others have claimed to want to help me by simply being my friend. Funny how being my friend turns into telling others about me so they can have the last laugh, all at my expense.
I won't get better and I'm not going to change. Being around you makes me think that maybe I can be normal like all those other people I watch walk past, going about their life as if they don't have a care in the world. If they knew what was going to happen next... but that's the rub. They don't know. I do. Therefore I'm the freak.
When you say that you want to fix me, what does that mean? What do you think you can do? It's not the visions that are my problem. It's how people react to them. When they see my eyes unfocus, they don't know how to react. I've quite telling them what I've seen but it doesn't help. I'm the freak who sees more than she should.
I don't want to be afraid of the future anymore. It would be so lovely to embrace the next moment, never knowing if it's my last one on this earth. The problem is that I know more than I should but I never know for sure if I'm supposed to know or not. Maybe it's all some cosmic joke at my expense. Whatever it is, I've stopped caring. Or I want to stop caring. It would be nice to be numb for awhile.
The next move is yours. You can take me home and forget about me, like I've asked. Or you can admit that you feel something when you're around me and maybe I'll be able for admit that I actually feel something, too. Plan your move wisely. There will only be one chance at this because I don't think I have another one in me.
